Those Annoying Ducks!

Ok, so this has been on my mind for a while now.

Topic: Men needing to have everything figured out.

Now I know that many men grew up with the idea that they need to be a man. Now what is considered a man differs from guy to guy. It stems from your family of origin; how you were raised. What was your father (or other male role model) like? How did he act? What did he teach you? What is a man to him? All of these impact your beliefs and definition of what a man is.

I am sure many of you have seen those pictures on Facebook about ‘what a real man is’ and you can clearly tell it was written by a girl. I have to tell you, this really really annoys me! What business does a girl have saying what a ‘real’ man is? She has her definition of what a real man is, but that is her female perception, not a man’s definition. I think the experts should be the one to give the definition…that being the guys! Ok, off that soapbox…

If you were to ask what qualities a real man has, the main answers you will get are most likely: provider and protector. I believe the most pressure on men comes from being the provider. How many times have you seen a guy interested in a girl and questions about how he is going to provide for her come up?? You may hear people say: “You can’t propose or get married until you have figured out what you are going to do.” Most fathers won’t consent to giving his daughter to you until you have a plan of how you will provide! Although having a plan on how you are going to survive is not a bad thing, the bad thing comes when the guys believe it is all up to them to have everything figured out. I guess many have forgotten that a relationship/marriage is a partnership!

Now….here is the kicker….

GIRLS DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE EVERYTHING FIGURED OUT!!!

In fact, we may prefer you not have everything figured out. Why? Because it means you have “figured things out” without us. If you tried to get all your ducks in a row by yourself, we will come along and switch the order. You will be trying to fit us in the plan and path you have developed, which is all about you, not about both of you. A relationship is about both of you coming together and forming your own path, not trying to get the other person to fit into your path!

Here is another kicker….

YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE ALL YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW FOR US TO LOVE YOU!

Part of the fun and adventure is coming together and trying to reign in those ducks! Girls want to join in on that! We will love you regardless of if you have everything figured out. Many guys feel like they can’t pursue or commit until they are secure and able to provide. Although this is true to some extent, I believe guys now a days have taken that idea to the extreme. “The I-have-to-make-something-of-myself-first excuse doesn’t fly. I have heard many guys tell girls that they want to be able to give her everything she wants. That he should be able to provide so much that she should have the option to not work if she wanted to. It really is a sweet and thoughtful notion for the man to be fully established, give her everything she wants, she will never want for anything and be able to provide her the luxury of not working…..however it is not necessary….or realistic.

Don’t get me wrong. It is essential to have an idea of how you will survive but you don’t need to have EVERYTHING figured out. If you wait until you have those ducks in a row….you will be waiting forever! Life is always changing and you will NEVER have it all together. If only those annoying ducks would just stay in line....

And let me just say this…If a girl truly loves you, then you having things “figured out” won’t matter to her. As extreme as it sounds, a girl would live under a bridge, in less than ideal conditions for the one she loves! Casting Crowns said it best: “They used to say that whoever died with the most toys wins, but if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end? I’ll take a shack on a rock, over a castle in the sand!”

Men, this is not just our girl perception. This has a biblical component to it. Did God say that we have to be perfect before we can come to him? Does the Bible say we have to work to the perfect standard before God will love us? No! Absolutely not! God loves us even when we aren’t perfect! He didn’t wait around for us to get everything right. He sent his son to die for us while we were still sinners and against him! (Romans 5:8). Love doesn’t require perfection!

However, love requires sacrifice! Christ said to people, “Pick up your cross and follow me”. Leave everything you know behind and come with me! Guys…this is a sacrifice, and this is what a girl does when she marries you.

So guys, you don’t have to have everything figured out, or have made something of yourself, or have those ducks in line for us to love you or commit to you! We know you want to be the man and provide for us. That you don’t want us to have to sacrifice things to be with you. But guys, love requires sacrifice! Jesus was the sacrifice! You have to allow us to sacrifice for you if we want to.

I have heard many guys say: “I would never ask you to (sacrifice) for me.”

Guys, many times you aren’t asking….we are offering. It is something we want to do.

Bottom line: Guys, you don’t have to have everything figured out for us to love you. There is no pressure. Just be who you want to be, work hard to become that and don’t worry about us girls. We want to be involved in the process with you. Going through tough times brings people closer together. It is a chance to get to know one another. Don’t waste these precious moments you have trying to do it all on your own. We can figure things out together. It will require sacrifice for both parties, but that is ok, that is how it is meant to be!